Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires and Other Such Accidents

Today I am sporting the biggest, most purple, most tender, and most preventable bruise EVER in my 26 year history. On Easter Sunday, as I was taking a garbage bag down to the bin, I slipped and fell down a set of stairs. Hard. Luckily I only have a nasty bruise and not some broken bones or dislocated elbows/shoulders/fingers to show for it. However... had I listened carefully to mascots like Smokey the Bear or that War Amps robot kid ("I can put my arm back on.... you can't"), I probably wouldn't have slipped and fell in the first place. Le sigh.

They say hindsight has 20/20 vision, yes? Well, in retrospect, there are at least 3 THINGS that I could have done differently to avoid taking such a tumble:

1. I could have moved the garbage to the bin at a later time. Did I mention there was a torrential downpour at the time when I took the garbage out? And that the stairs are painted wood stairs that practically turn into skating rinks when they are wet? No? I neglected to mention those details? Ahem..

Don't let the rays of (after-the-fact) sunshine fool you... these stairs are nothing short of DEADLY in the rain!

2. I could have dressed myself properly for the conditions. Yes, I did slap on my rain jacket, but no-- I opted not to go with the Shoes With Good Grips for the occasion. Instead, I kept my stellar Bosnian Slippers on, stuffed them into Marty's Birkenstocks (a full 2 or 3 or even 4 sizes too big for me) and headed outside. The shame.

The slippers. What can I say? I just hate to take them off. Ever.

The sandals. What can I say? They were at the back door, and my Shoes With Good Grips were all the way at the front door. And god knows, the GARBAGE COULD NOT WAIT to be taken outside. Even though the torrential downpour only ended up lasting about 20 minutes. And even though the garbage does not get picked up until April 1. So many things to look back on with regret...

3. I could have held onto the railing. But I didn't want to get wet.

(clears throat awkwardly). This is how I came to fall HARD on my sweatpants-clad ASS a mere two steps in to the 8-step journey. And yes, now I have a horrific, cringe-inducing bruise to show for it. Let this be a lesson for all of us, no? Chores can wait, but asses are irreplaceable.