Wednesday, May 23, 2007

You've *GOT* to be Kidding!

Way back when, I told the tale of a big spider that apparently hitched its way all the way to Victoria from the Czech Republic. I also mentioned that I killed it. In my bathroom. It was the end of that spider, and the end of my worries... until recently.

Check out the MONSTER that was hanging out on the roof of our balcony the other afternoon!!! (PS- Mom, don't look. I mean it.)

I just have a few things to say about it:

1. THANK GOD I wasn't home to see this!!!!!! Poor Marty-- bless his heart-- he was going to check on our sunflower outside when he had the bejeezus scared out of him by this (not so) little guy. See the fuzz on its body?! See his blackish red rat tail-esque legs?! See how like an honest to God tarantula it is?! DISGUSTING!!!!

2. An aside: Kudos to Marty for being brave enough to snap a photo of this bugger (get it- bug?! Hahahaha), albeit from behind the somewhat blurry safety of our patio door. I can't say what I would have done in the situation-- set up camp on the couch and watch its every move in horror? Phone the police and get a squad car on it?-- but I can assure you I would not have possessed enough wits to photograph it. Heaven forbid that the camera flash would cause it to drop from its ceiling perch onto my unsuspecting head! (and an aside to an aside: we don't know where it is now. Marty ran away.... erm... to have lunch with me at work... and when he came back home, it was gone. The sickening mystery deepens.)

3. How the hell do you deal with creatures of this magnitude? In my (zen-like, peaceful, love-filled) mind, all spiders must die, but I know I could never muster up the necessary courage, skill, or brute force to do the deed myself to something this big. It would be akin to killing a small cat! Do spiders bleed? Or would it just be guts? Either way, the off-white carpet in my apartment just couldn't handle the mess. (In the unlikely-- please JesusJosephMary make it unlikely!-- event that something like this actually crawled into my house! Eep!!)

4. I guess when I was told that Victoria was part of its very own rainforest system, it really meant 'rainforest' and not 'rainforest-sans-tropical-spiders'. For shame. I had been thoroughly enjoying the splendour of brilliant flowers and lush vegetation everywhere. Now I'm walking around like a bad spy trainee in a cheesy 70s movie, inspecting every nook, cranny, and corner for evidence of spiders on steroids. Have mercy!!


Robin said...

Oh my! I don't mind spiders as they eat other yucky insects, but that one is a prime specimen!

I don't think it's one of the 2 poisinous varieties in BC. Here's a link for you:

You might want to sleep with the lights on for a few nights though!

Rose said...

I have only the deepest of sympathy - seriously. I am the person who once told a Calgarian lifer that my favourite thing about Calgary was the lack of spiders, and meant it. It's too true that our beautiful, bountiful and wet ranges inspire awe AND fear into my heart because of the spidery wonders that they produce. I wish that I had some words of comfort but I'm trying to avoid thoughts and nightmares. The best of luck to you!

karen said...

I threw up in my mouth. Urk!

suzen said...

if there's one thing to love about calgary it's the lack of spiders and bugs in general. when i was a kid in nfld, we always had earwig infestations and it was the sickest thing ever. i accidentally sucked one up through a straw!!!!! and as a consequence i still continue to bite the tops of all my straws to make sure nothing creepy can get through.

man, this post totally gave me the creeps. good luck to you and your quest to avoid spiders! (you're a braver woman than i am--i couldn't even bring myself to look for very long, leave alone have the strength to upload the photo and blog about it. eewwww!)

Gingersnaps with Tea... said...

I had a spider just like that run over my foot once (I grew up on the coast). I had nightmares and was terrified to go into the basement of my parents house for YEARS afterwards! You have my sympathy.

Gingersnaps with Tea... said...

Ewe, Ewe, Ewe! and now having read Suzen's comment I have earwigs to think about, I don't like spiders but I am over the top phobic about earwigs--fortunately, I've never seen much of either in Calgary.