Thursday, December 28, 2006

Smackdown Play-by-Play

Oh, it was a long fight, with many punches thrown. Standing in one corner like the Oscar de la Hoya of yarn stores, Make One looked cool, young, sleek, and put together. When the hulking Hogan of yarn stores threw off her cape in the other corner of the ring, though, did I detect a bit of nervousness from Make One? I couldn’t be sure.

The fight started off all flashy: the Beehive grunted and posed, showing off her substantial yarn offerings, which were packed into her costume like falsies into a Wonderbra. Everywhere you looked was yarn, yarn, yarn. Stacked floor to ceiling! Thwack! Hanging from the rafters! Ka-boom! Displayed absolutely everywhere, to the point where there was little room left to breathe! Thuga-thuga-thug!

Undeterred, Make One calmly stepped forward, narrowly avoiding a plastic chair swipe to the head. ‘Would you like a tea?’ she teased, with a sparkle in her eye. ‘Or how about a place to sit down and relax?Biff! Boff! Down went the Beehive to the floor! Dancing around a bit, Make One delighted that she had won the first round: everybody loves a plush couch to sit on, especially in a yarn store! How clever!

Slightly shaken, but determined to continue flaunting her might, Beehive stood up again and held her gloves up—ready for the next round. ‘Look at my prices!’, she bellowed, and dangled some luscious Cascade 220 in Make One’s face. ‘And these are my regular prices’, she sneered, ‘Not some flash in the pan sale’. Ka-chuck! Ratta-tat! Bikkidi-bikkidi-blammo! Make One looked upset for a brief moment, and staggered back into the ropes, but then she hammered back with her Boxing Week sale. ‘You call 10 percent off acrylic yarn a Boxing Day Sale?’, she bellowed. ‘Take that!’ 70 percent off luscious yarns! 50 percent off other luscious yarns! 40! 30! At least 20 percent off all other yarns! Bang! Boom! Brawl! Round Two: Make One. Ding!

And so it continued: Beehive would pummel and pound Make One with her impressive array of colours and textures, but Make One would rebound and then one-up her much older opponent. Make One would dodge and divert, looking more like a clever strategist than a beefed-up combatant, while Beehive would attempt to make her put her dukes up and fight, already! Back and forth, back and forth—until the final round.

I saw a button that I really liked yesterday at the Beehive. It was about the size of a 2 dollar coin, and it featured an owl set against a beautiful night sky scene. Oooooh, I breathed. What a beautiful button! Ready to end this fight for good and to slowly shift my allegiances to my new local yarn store, I stood in line to pay for this button (a recent Visa bill deterred me from purchasing anything else…) My precious, I hissed—captivated by this treasure. I waited, and I waited, and then I pondered what sort of project I would put this on. A felted bag? A front clasp for the Fantine cardigan? It would have to be something remarkable, something special, something that would show this button off like nothing else…

Then it finally came time for me to pay. ‘That will be$23.67’ said the cashier. Pardon me??!!! For a button??!!!! At that price, I’d have to fasten it to the robe of God, for chrissakes!!

Well, I left empty-handed but certain of one thing: Make One—nothing compares 2 U. I’ll probably still visit the Beehive in case of future yarn emergencies… but it will be like visiting a packrat relative over an uber-cool friend. Le sigh. SMACKDOWN!!


Tangerine Dreams said...

Omi God you're too funny! That is hilarious. You should make a cartoon strip of that with Marty making the illustrations. I'm thinking of partaking myself in some GGH Kidsoft (I got the mag a long time ago) from M1. Man, I miss that place (and you too!).

Robin said...

That's histerical...yet, so true. You might want to visit Victoria's smaller yarn store, Boutique de Laine on Estevan Street in Oak Bay. Worth a peek and half as pretentious (despite the location).

karen said...


Great posts sweet potato.. you are greatly missed :)

indigirl (Amy) said...

Oh Dana, we miss you guys! Awesome post too... you totally crack me up.

Hope to see you if you make it out to Calgary this week!!!! Here's hoping! xo!